Safe from Alba - for nowWell, she didn't put it exactly that way, but I guess she somehow saved over 40 kids from something. How her penniless, drug-addled illiterate ass managed to do that is beyond me, but I'd guess she had someone else do all the work then stepped up to the mic.

Yes, Lindsay Lohan is really in India working to save children from poverty and trafficking, something she learned first-hand from her parents. She claims this trip is for a documentary. I bet she'll use it as her excuse when she violates probation again for missing drunk school.

And just what is little Miss Blohan doing when all the impoverished kids are tucked into bed? I'm sure she traveled with her usual pharmaceutical bonanza (picture Adderalls in a Pez dispenser),but how long until we hear about a wild night on the town or hot fling with a local? She can't be good that long.