Jon Gosselin's rep tells Radar that the reason why he had to get stitches on his eyebrow is because he ran into "a kitchen cabinet in the dark." Aaaaaaand nobody is buying that. Maybe the kitchen cabinet "accidentally" ran into him, because even it can't stand his ass, but I doubt that's what happened also.

This is obviously the work of Kate Gosselin's possum head. It was aiming for his eyeball, but Jon was so drunk that he stumbled at the right moment and the possum's claw only got his eyebrow. See, sometimes being stumbling drunk works in your favor! Or maybe Hailey Glassman accidentally cut Jon with her "meth scratched face" (Copyright: Erin from Rock of Love) when they were cuddling while sharing a Strawberry Hill spritzer.

Here's Jon, his owwie and Kate sending six members of the child army off to their first day of school.